Awetism Awareness Month

April is Awwtism Awareness Month. Interesting how "Autism" can be spelled so many ways yet sound the same. It's fitting, since Autism presents in so many different ways. Autism Spectrum Disorders affect many people, including my son. C has High Functioning Autism. He also has ADHD (emphasis on the H). He is one of the quirkiest kids around and I love him dearly.

It wasn't always apparent to us that C was different. He was, after all, our first boy. We didn't expect him to be like his older sister. We just figured he'd be his own little self. Eventually, it became obvious that something was going on. We took him to the pediatrician, who sent us to the neurologist. The neurologist examined him thoroughly and ran some basic tests. He mentioned the possibility of autism and recommended we see a neuropsychologist for a more thorough workup. The neuropsychologist diagnosed C with a "biologically based disinhibition disorder" - in other words, ADHD. It wasn't until C was being evaluated for transition from the special needs preschool to the kindergarten that he was diagnosed with Autism. The school psychologist said he had High Functioning Autism (HFA)/Aspergers Syndrome(AS).

That's where the difficulty in understanding Autism began for us. Depending on the literature, AS and HFA are either the same or different diagnoses. The term that we've gone with is HFA because it includes speech difficulties and AS does not. C occasionally has speech problems, so HFA it is. At the time, AS had only been used as a diagnosis for 10 years. What would C have been called before then? In my childhood, he would've been the 'wild-child' or the freaky kid. More labels are available now, so we tell people he has HFA. What a relief, really - it's far easier to be the parent of a child who has Autism than one of a child who is "out of control".

There are a lot of questions we're frequently asked about Autism. Among them (and please try to remember that these are my opinions - you're entitled to your own):

Do you think it's an epidemic? No, I don't. I think there is simply more information available now that allows the diagnosis to be made.

But, there are so many more cases! See above. Also, there are higher concentrations in the high tech corridors. So many people in those fields are on the spectrum. Not all of them are diagnosed as such, but if you know the symptoms, you recognize it. If those people are having kids together, it stands to reason that some of these kids will be on the spectrum.

Do you think this is a result of vaccines? No, in most cases I don't. I think it is possible that some people are sensitive to the ingredients in vaccines and that it could cause a problem, but I don't think that it is the case for most.

Shouldn't we not get vaccinated to prevent our kids from getting Autism? No, I think that the vaccines are there to ensure the health of everyone. Sometimes, people are injured by something they come into contact with. You can't always predict it. I would no sooner ban my kids from having vaccines because they might get Autism than I would keep them from having a glass of milk because it might turn out they are allergic to it and it might kill them. Besides, I have three kids and only one with Autism. The averages are in my favor.

How has this affected your life? I think I'm more patient with people. I am more aware of different personalities and how we all interact. BUMD has mentioned that he's able to manage some employees better simply because he recognises that they are on the spectrum and he's aware of how to accommodate their quirks/needs.

Would you change things if you could? No, I don't think I would. C is an amazing little guy with a fascinating world view. He makes observations that most adults I know aren't capable of. There are little behaviors I would love to do away with, but I think I could say the same for just about anyone I've ever met (including myself).

Did you cry when he was diagnosed? No, I was too busy being fascinated by all the literature we had in front of us. I have had one good cry about it, a few years ago when I finally realized that he wasn't going to be able to do any of the things that I had dreamed for him. That moment remains one of the most liberating moments I have ever had as a parent, and possibly as a person. I had to let go of my plans and give up my expectations. C will grow up to be whoever he will be. We can teach him, love him, and influence him, but we can't make him. He just is. He will be.

So, you don't wish he was normal? Hah, no! I always tell people that I'm happy my kids aren't normal, because that's so boring. I want them to be individuals, to have quirks, to be proud of not being "one of the crowd". Sure, it's fun sometimes, but there's so much more to life than "fitting in".

What? You don't want him to fit in? Well, yes I do. We make sure the kids have basic social skills, that they are aware of popular culture and social norms, and that they have a sense of how to be a part of society. But we also spend a lot of time reminding them that every person is an individual, and that what works for one person may not work for others. In other words, Your Mileage May Vary (YMMV). Be comfortable with differences and respectful of others' beliefs. The opposite of Autism is "neurotypical". Being neurologically atypical is ok by me. Innovations are made by those who don't "fit in". If we can teach our kids to respect those who aren't like them, society will be that much better for it.

Are you neurotypical? You've made it this far and still have to ask? ;-) No, I have ADHD. I recently took an Aspie test online and scored pretty high on that. The good thing is that I'm an adult and can find my way. The hard thing is to be a kid and be quirky. I hope my kids will someday find their niche too.

There are so many benefits I reap from having an Autistic child. His emotional immaturity and lack of social awareness means that he's still ok with snuggling in public. While other 8-year-old boys are studiously avoiding their moms in public, I'm still getting smothered with hugs and kisses. Who wouldn't love that?

There are challenges too, but they're really not that much different than those faced by other parents. We have it relatively easy with C's HFA. Parents of low-functioning kids have more challenges than we do. Years ago, a friend gave me his list of rules. I still have it on my fridge and refer to it every day. Parenting a child with Autism can be challenging, but as with anything worth doing, it comes with so many rewards.